The Adolescent Kingdom

Teenagers have to be the most miserable creatures in the human race. From ages thirteen to nineteen, all people are stuck in a sort of limbo. The kind that has a light at the end of the tunnel but enjoys teasing you with the freedom that it promises. Trying to figure out what is wrong with them, the teenager goes through a series of trials and tribulations in which they discover where exactly it is they belong.

Now, most of the American population believes there are main categories with multiple sub-categories that filter into them. That isn’t true. There are three, yes just three, categories: The Morons, the Intellects and the Everybodies.
The Morons are the popular ones among the Teenage Kingdom. They, meaning their parents, have so much money that they do not know what to do with it. Instead of putting that cash towards something productive, it is spent on drugs. Yet, shh, mother and father don’t know that. Quite lovely.

The kicker with these folks is that they travel in packs. Sort of like a group of deranged wolves that are mostly bark with a hint of bite. For the most part, the Intellects manage to stay away from the Morons while the Everybodies continue on with their days. Yet, despite the efforts of both the Intellects and the Everybodies, the Morons seem to bristle when they pass. In the end, the Moron’s greatest threat is ‘Don’t make me kick your ass.’ Loosely translated this means, ‘If I’m not feeling lazy, I’ll get you.’ The males of the Pack in a way to display their dominance mostly use that threat.

Now the females use a different threat to keep others in line. ‘We’re gonna bury you’ translates to ‘We’re going to bury you, bitch.’ The female is the more aggressive of the Morons. Usually, if the warning has been administered, it is immediately followed up and through. The threat is given to females that pose some sort of danger to the ranking within the pack. Especially if the new female will join the pack as the Alpha male’s new mate. Once the newcomer has entered the circle, the older females will put her through various tests, and, unfortunately, unless she proves herself a vicious bitch, she will more than likely fail the trials.
Meanwhile, from the sidelines, the Intellects observe the Morons while the Everybodies quietly snicker at their displays of dominance.

We come to the Intellects now. Some are easier to spot than others due to their appearance. The common Intellect is seen to wear faded, hand me down jeans, or khakis depending, along with a black tee shirt. The standard logo on the shirt is normally a Star Wars, Star Trek or fantasy artwork of some kind.
The skin tone and the quality of the flesh itself would be considered poor. Caked with crevices and boils, most commonly known as the dreaded acne, the crowning feature seen on an Intellect is the spectacles. Not only do the glasses enable the Intellect to see their surroundings, and supply a perfect bull’s eye for the male Morons to hit, but they accent that oh so lovely Romanesque nose. Either way, the spectacles indicate the Intellect’s ranking amongst their own. The thinner the frame, the higher the ranking.

Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, these Intellects are actually the Elite among the human race. Deep within the bowels of the Tech room of the auditorium, they come together as one and converse of the greatness in which they have achieved that day. Most of the knowledge they exchange pertains to the maneuvers of the mathematical equation of the Chessboard, or the desire for a certain female that they have laid their eyes on.

Unfortunately for the Intellect, their greatness will not be seen until after their teenage years. Once they progress from the larva stage to the pupa phase of life, the Intellect will be seen as the hottest thing since sliced bread. Females will flock to them and strike up conversation as they sputter responses. Once they hit the final phase of their growth, the adult phase, the Intellect has now become the object of the female’s desire. A thing much wanted among the Elite at the larva phase. Smart, funny and charming the Intellect is now the crème de la crème of he human society. Not only would they make excellent partners, but also they would be the ones who discover how to run a computer on solar energy.

Here we come to the Everybodies. Usually of a more relaxed nature, the title Everybodies implicates exactly who they are. They are within both groups but part of none. They float between the Morons and the Intellects as if they were ocean currents, leaves on the wind or something equally spiritual. As a people, Everybodies observe the world around them with an open mind, willing to try new experiments and experiences. That, or they are content with what they are currently involved in. For the most part, the involvement is something along the artistic side of life. If one is ever looking to locate Everybodies, one need not look far. They can be found sitting on the ground reading Shakespeare, enjoying a quiet game of chess with an Intellect or even seen discussing hunting tactics with the Alpha female of the Morons.
Needless to say, the Everybodies are everywhere.
All one has to do is look in the mirror.